It bees true that I'm too sensitive. It bees true that I'm a bit of a frivolous idiot. But does it bees true that I should feel guilty for not only these things but more? That I should feel guilty for being who I am?

I say no, but can't help it.

All I ever do is disappoint people. I realised this afternoon that if I'm made aware of disappointing people I couldn't give a stuff about, or if they have a low opinion of me for any reason, I don't care.

But if I feel or hear about how my actions have done the same to people I do care about it so much. I feel very insecure when people I love judge me negatively. (On that note, I also hate false positivity and lies just to blanket stuff)

I feel very attacked at times. I feel attacked when people attack those I care about. Moreso when I can't speak a word in my defense, knowing my argument/justification wouldn't stand up if it's verbalised.

It's almost as if I'm subconsciously inviting my mind to come up with the stupidest antisocial behaviour. "You can't change what you don't acknowledge." I acknowledge plenty, why can't I shake the habits?

It's when I don't know how to act that is the worst. Keep a distance, stop being so clingy? Possibly misconstrued as my own feelings? Who knows what to do with men. Would they rather appreciate physical hugs or the space to deal by their own?

Arguments with myself always lead up with me taking the roundabout and circling forever. Back to the same old questions, justifications, whinges.

I don't understand him, but maybe this is made worse by the fact I wouldn't even understand her if there was one. Is it males, or people? What am I going to do now my inner 6th grader is terrified of emotional and physical rejection so much so she's going to cut herself loose before it can even happen? Oedipus Rex, eat my heart out.

Pixen out, 12:05 AM, Thursday Nov 12

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Member of and (and others but they've either gone offline for a short time or have disbanded)